Mike Newton: STALKER
by Marie Elaine Cullen
Summary: Mike newton finds out Bella's address, and hilarity continues. Multiple chapters, to be continued. Rated T, because he's a stalker...... Comedy, no bad stuff...
1. A Stalker

_Thanks to stalker dot net for giving me this idea…. (IT IS A REAL SITE!!!!!!!!!!!) ((GO LOOK IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME!!!!!!!!!)_

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT**

Mike Newton: Stalker

**MPOV**

Bella wants me.

I know she does.

She's just going out with Cullen for me to get jealous.

Sure, every girl in the school wants him. But she's different.

So, I didn't really know her email address, so I decided to go to stalker dot com

It didn't work… So I tried … stalker dot net

I found her, and got her email address:

And I emailed her:

To:

From: iwantubabe

_Hey babe,_

_Want to go out for a ride???_

_Sincerely,_

_The guy you want jealous_

I think she'll realize that it's me…

We were meant for each other.

Soul mates.

Love at first sight, only stronger….

I love Isabella Marie Swan, and I know she loves me too.

**BPOV**

I logged on to my email, to answer Renee's letters (there were usually 3 a day…)

And I saw an email from some random person… iwantubabe… at hotmail…

I wondered if this was Emmett's idea of a joke…

But no, he wouldn't want to offend Rosalie…

I quickly scanned the email.

I quickly realized this was a stalker….

But who would stalk _me????_

I'd get it if someone stalked Edward, but _me????_

I replied:

To: iwantubabe

From:

_Hello Stalker,_

_I'd like you to know that my boyfriend can and will kill you if I receive another email._

_Much love,_

_Bella_

Edward was going to be here soon, and I didn't want him to see this.

So I turned off the computer, and went to take a quick shower before he came.

I know he doesn't like it when I take a "human moment" because he loves to have me in his arms... or so he says...

When I got out from the shower, Edward was sitting on my bed.

Thank god he can't read my mind....

**SOOOOO.... Did you like it??? Review and tell me!!!! (If less than 2 people review, I won't write more...) And the stalker dot net was an incident, where we wanted to find pictures of our evil gymnastics coach... We were bored... WE ARE NOT STALKERS!!!! I just thought it would be funny if the site existed...**


	2. A Photo

_Thanks to Nastia Cullen for bugging me till the point of death. Also thanks to everyone who reviewed. I'm really glad (surprised) that you like it._

**Disclaimer: I own Twilight. *Some random person screams "HOW?????"* Oh, did I say I own Twilight? I really meant that I owned all of my OCs'...**

**I'm really sorry for not updating in so long, my computer got a virus, and it took a while to bug my dad enough so he would let me on the laptop...**

Mike Newton: STALKER

**Mike POV**

I watched Bella walking to Cullen's car.

I'm all set.

Tonight, I will place a mysterious note on her windowsill.

_Inside _her windowsill....

I will sneak into her room to watch her sleep.

And I am _not _a stalker.

It's not stalking if she wants me there.

And yes, I am sure she wants me there.

I got into my car and watched Bella walk with Cullen to his car.

I payed a bit more attention to her butt then I should have.

But I'm sure she wouldn't mind.

**Edward POV**

Wait, Newton's going to put a mysterious note on Bella's windowsill, and watch her sleep?

Hahaha... This is going to be fun.

But then I growled when Newton's thoughts turned ugly.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked in her angelic voice.

"Newton. Thoughts." I managed to growl out.

"Well, just forget about him. You know I love you." My angel said before she kissed me on my cheek.

I smiled.

My angel loved me.

**Bella's POV**

I checked my email for a reply from Renee.

I found another email from the iwantubabe....

I deleted it, and blocked the user.

I do not like stalkers.

And yes, I am sure that iwantubabe is a stalker.

And no, I am not sure how I know that.

I just have this feeling.

**Mike POV**

Midnight. Perfect.

I carefully climbed the tree close to her window.

Then, I realized that it was open!

What a stroke of luck!

It was like she was waiting for me.

Well, of course she would.

She's a smart girl.

She probably figured it out.

I stepped in, and placed my note on the windowsill.

I looked at Bella.

She looked like an angel.

"Edward." She whispered.

"I love you..." She sighed and rolled over.

She must have meant that she loved me and was dating Edward to make me jealous.

Just then I thought I heard a laugh.

Hmm.... Must have been the wind.

I went back out of the window.

I planned to come back tomorrow.

**Bella POV**

I woke up, and saw two notes on the windowsill.

I opened one:

_Hey Baby,_

_You look like an angel when you sleep._

_I'll come back soon._

There was no signature.

I shuddered.

Then, I opened up the next note.

It was written in the calligraphy of Edward.

_Sorry, Love, My siblings and I have to get a few things ready._

_I'll see you at school._

_With as much love as my non-beating heart can muster,_

_Edward._

I showered, got into my truck, and drove to school.

When I got there, all of the Cullens were waiting for me.

Even Rosalie.

They all smiled at me, Edward put an arm around my waist, and then steered me toward a poster on the wall.

I saw that there were many of these posters hanging everywhere.

I looked, and there was a picture of Mike, on the tree, just outside my window.

The caption read:

_Mike Newton, loyal labrador, or stealthy stalker?_

I stared at all of the Cullens, then burst out laughing.

They laughed with me.

Then, other people saw the posters and started laughing too.

Then, Mike came, saw the poster, and paled.

He ran to the office, and then left.

Edward told me that he said something about a family emergency.

HA.

The day went by without a hitch.

And nothing of notorable mention happened until Saturday...

Charlie was fishing, and Edward was at my house, helping me fill out college applications.

I swear, my hand was never the same again.

I felt like something to eat, so I decided to make some sandwiches.

I put my bread in the toaster, and cut some cheese and ham while I waited for it to pop out.

**(The following scene was something the happened to me) (( The toaster part anyways))**

The bread slices popped out of the toaster, but they were too far in for me to reach.

So, I used a knife.

It worked for one of them....

But the other got stuck under the metal part that makes it pop up.

It took me five minutes to get it out, (while Edward chuckled quietely) and then it was all crumbly and yucky.

I threw it away.

Then Edward froze.

He put his lips to my ear and whispered: "Newton is outside the window, pretend I said something funny and giggle, okay?"

I giggled and then whispered back: "All right, when he makes a sound, I'm gonna "discover" him."

He laughed, and then kissed me lightly on the lips.

Then, outside, I heard a branch crack.

I poked my head out the window and saw Mike sitting under it.

"MIKE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??????!!!!!!! I DO _**NOT **_NEED A STALKER, NOR WILL I EVER, SO JUST LEAVE!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!"

He did leave, and pretended that the whole stalker thing never happened.

Then, I got married, had Renesmee, yadda yadda yadda.

My life was perfect.

I had a loving family, and a loving husband.

And best of all, NO STALKER!!!!!!!

I should've known it was too good to be true....

**Well, hope you liked that.... I'll try toupdate soon, but I have a lot of stories that need to be updated first...**

**_REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**

**Begging for people to click the review button and fullfill my wishes,**

**Marie  
**


	3. My Daughter's Stalker

_Thanks to Nastia Cullen (NOT) for not going on AIM or gmail for so long, that I'm beginning to think that you don't use that shiny new laptop that you have!!!! *grumbles: Stupid shiny laptop owner*_

**Hey, PPL: GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!!!!!! *fakes a gasp***

Mike Newton: STALKER

**BPOV**

Life was nice,

I had my family,

I had my husband,

My daughter,

And MANY siblings.

The memory of the Volturi's visit was far in the past, though not completely gone.

As was the memory of having a stalker....

And having my bread stuck in the toaster.....

Which was NOT funny...

But then, I had another problem.

My stalker was back.

It all started with Edward's surprise birthday party.

I had blocked everyone and everything whose mind could be read, just in case Edward tried to peek.

He walked in, and we all yelled "SURPRISE!!!!" And then, I let my shield go,

And Edward stiffened.

He growled and then sighed.

Everyone crowded around him.

"It's that vile Mike Newton," he said. "Apparently dear Mike has resumed his former spot as Bella's stalker."

Everybody groaned.

Then, I turned to Renesmee.

She was all grown up now.

She looked about 16 or 17...

I quickly whispered the words I wanted her to say, and she nodded.

She went to the window, and screamed.

""MIKE NEWTON WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??????!!!!!!! MY MOM DOES _**NOT **_NEED A STALKER, NOR WILL SHE EVER, SO JUST LEAVE!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!"

He started, jumped up, and stared at Nessie.

"Hey babe...." He said in a ridiculous probably what he thought was a macho voice.

"Ugh.... I am SOOO not interested." Nessie rolled her eyes.

"Oh, baby, you know you want me.." Mike kept using that ridiculous voice.

"I have a _fiancee!!!" _Renesmee shouted.

Everyone in the room stifled a laugh as Mike's face dropped.

"A F-f-f-fiancee????? Already??? But you're so young!!!" Mike sputtered. Now dropping the horrible voice.

Renesmee rolled her eyes and stifled a giggle.

Her face clearly said: I'm a LOT younger than you think.

Mike didn't see it.

For some reason, he thought that she was interested in him.......

And he didn't give up.

We kept receiving love letters that were clearly copied off of the internet, (or written by him, which were HORRIBLE) love ecards, and many, many, stalker-visits.

Than, finally, Jacob got fed up.

He nearly phased into a wolf, and if he had, he probably would've ripped Mike's face off..

Not like I had anything wrong with that plan...

But it would've revealed us, and I had something wrong with _that._

But Mike noticed something was wrong.

He stared at Jacob.

And at Alice, Emmett, and Edward who were restraining him.

I was standing nearby just in case they needed back-up.

We could handle Jake, but when he phased, we needed help.

I guess it _did _look sort of odd...

Because it happened in a split second.

But then, suddenly, Edward leaped at Mike.

I grabbed him, and Rosalie jumped to help me.

"You will NOT kill our daughter's stalker!!!!!" I shouted at him.

Then, he relaxed.

I leaned out hte window and said quite calmly.

"Mike, if you do not leave in 10 seconds, I will call my father, and he will arrest you." Mike didn't move.

I nodded to Nessie.

She dialed the phone.

"Hey, Grandpa? This is Nessie. Listen, do you remember Mike Newton? Yeah that one. Well, he's been stalking me... So could you come here and do something about it?"

She didn't finish the sentence before Charlie hung up.

A few minutes later, he came.

With handcuffs.

And arrested Mike.

Who blew a kiss at Nessie.

Who shuddered.

And was pulled into a passionate kiss by Jacob.

Charlie winced when he saw Jacob.

Probably remembering when Jacob phased in front of him....

But anyways.

Mike Newton was arrested, and we were supposed to go to the court case next Friday.

Yipee.

**Well, hope you enjoyed that!!! I'm thinking one more chapter.. then that's it... Sooooo REVIEW**

**Begging with a puppy face you can't see for reviews,**

**Marie  
**


	4. THEY BREED LIKE RABBITS!

**Hey... Umm... Well, DON'T SHOOT!!!!!!!!!!!! I know you all probably hate me because I haven't updated in forever... But.. I'm updating now... Aren't I???? Anyhoo, I won't blather on with my sad story about how I couldn't update, because I hate when people make excuses... Anyhoo... HERE'S THE DISCLAIMER:**

**DISCLAIMER: I NO OWN TWILIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEW MOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ECLIPSE!!!!!!!!!!!! OR BREAKING DAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Mike's POV:

What did I do wrong???

I just went to my true love's window.

Like Romeo and Juliet...

When Romeo is on the balcony...

Or is that Juliet???

Whatever.

And then I saw her.

The most beautiful girl.

With bronze locks and a beautiful voice.

And a rockin' body!!!!

With boobs the size of small melons..

Nice and round..

**(AN: Yeah... I know... he's a pervert... but this IS rated T... I think... Wait... umm.... Yeah, it is!!! I'm not a pervert.... so there won't be much pervertisoty (not a word I know...) here...)**

And then, after all the love notes I sent her....

She STILL stuck by her ugly fiancee...

When she could've had ME!!!!!

I just don't understand women!!!!

They could have ME!!!!

At least until the next lucky woman came along..

And now I have to go to court!!!

Because I am my normally romantic self!!!

Oh... Crap... Jessica is going to be sooo mad when she hears about this..

**LATER AT COURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Renesmee's POV

Ugh....

That Mike Newton is so creepy..

After all the casualties of the judge walking in and yadda yadda....

Mike's lawyer was Jessica.

My lawyer was Elezear.

Who knew that he went to Harvard Law school!???

Twice...

And a few times to Yale...

Dad wanted to defend me, but then Mom thought it would be a little odd...

So we hired a close Family Friend.

No cost!

Anyways.... the case closed pretty quickly after a few people we used as witnesses described how annoying Mike was...

One of the women said that Mike ran over her husband!!!!

Of course... He denied that... but no one believed him...

Especially since the judge had been stalked by him too..

So he was sentenced to a few years in prison, and I married Jacob.

Life was good.

Then, we learned that life was never good.

Because apparently, Mike had a son.

Mike Jr. We called him.

And he was sent to jail...

And the next Newton too..

And the next..

And the next..

Emmett kept saying that stalkers breed like rabbits..

I didn't believe him, but he was right..

Everywhere we go, we get a new stalker..

I don't remember how many..

I lost count at 2583...

We had to move so many times..

Sometimes even more than once a week!!!!

Finally, we just decided to ignore the stalkers.....

It was good in theory, but we couldn't really..

But then, Emmett started scaring away the stalkers....

And finally the Cullen family lived in peace.....

**THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know it's short.... but I had no time... and plus, I like it... Sooo... REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**I had a great time imagining Mike as a stalker....**

**Love,**

**Marie Elaine Cullen  
**


End file.
